It's Been A While...

It's been a while for a lot of things.
First of all it's been a while since I've posted on here. I should do it more. It's not like I've been busy. I have all day free since I currently don't have a job and I'm not going to school this semester. I'm really hoping for that to change really soon.
It's been a while since I've slept a good night's sleep. My sleep pattern has been from AM-PM, not the other way around. It's not like me to be this nocturnal. I'm a morning person and I've been heading to sleep when the rest of the world is waking up.
It's been a while since I've eaten a good square meal. Usually it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich here, or a fast food trip there. I had one pretty good meal that included Stouffer's Mannacotti and a piece of chicken. Besides that it's snacks and "Hey do you want my leftovers?"
And here's the big one...
It's been a while since I've been really on fire for God. Wednesday night I've been going to The Well, a non-denominational worship service held at a local church. This Wednesday night James, The Well speaker, talked about Revelation 3 where it says that God prefers that we be either hot or cold. He says that if we are lukewarm he will spit us out of his mouth and have nothing to do with us. As soon as James read the passage, I knew where I stood. Lukewarm. It's not like I've stopped believing and loving Christ, it's just that I haven't really grown closer to him recently. And all of the blame for that falls on me. I haven't been consistently praying or reading the Bible. God has provided me with the same resources that I had when I was on fire for Him. It's me that's changed. I think the point of me writing this is to pen my thoughts so I can look back later and see if I've moved in either direction, towards God or towards the world.
This weekend I'm at a retreat with other BCMers from across the state. Hope this will fan the ember that is my relationship with Christ and set me back on fire again.
My Prayer:
Father God, I'm sorry that I've gotten to this point. I'm ashamed of how I've treated your sacrifice. Alot of times, I feel worse than Paul did when he said he was the worst of all sinners. But still You love me. That's out of my comprehension. I can't begin to understand what that is like. Please continue to be patient with me. I'm tired of being mediocre. I'm tired of living a lazy spiritual life. It's easy to pose, but you see through this. Please shower me with conviction when I don't do what I'm supposed to. Please rebuke me when I cast you aside. Please let me fully depend on you. Please let me love you like I did at our first meeting. I don't want to be lukewarm anymore. I just want to bask in your love, mercy, hope, and grace.
In Christ's Name. Amen.